Have you ever really wanted to say that to someone, but kept it in?
Really, in the end, wouldn't just... talking to someone... make it easier?
But what do you say, y'know? Like, how do you talk to someone, when you don't even want to talk, yourself? And what're the real reasons you don't want to?
Because you might get hurt.
Because you might get embarrassed.
Because it might actually work, and then what do you do?!
Has anyone ever asked you to talk to them? Then you're like, "I want to! There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how, or when, or where to say it. Or how you'll take it!"
And then, what happens if you're actually forced to talk? Holy cow. That's one scary situation. But it's kind of cool at the same time, because then you know your presence and opinions are actually valued enough to be heard and considered.
I think it's really easier... in all honesty... if you speak your partner's language. It's hard to learn that if you're not taught, and it requires quality time, patience, understanding, effort- and sex. When you really want to relate to someone, and be involved in their life, it takes courage to speak up. And if we like someone, we want to relate to them and involve them in our lives.
...So what are you afraid of? Speak up! Yeah, being hurt sucks, but think how you'd feel if you didn't say anything at all? Some realizations are better made from reaction, not inaction. Just sayin'...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Talk to me!
"What the heck does he mean, 'Hi.'?"
"'Maybe'? That's his answer to, 'are you around later?' 'Maybe'?!"
"What do you mean, 'whatever you want'? I want to know whether you want me to stay!"
Dudes, first, I know I don't have to tell you that COMMUNICATION is like, huge to chicks.
When we're interested in you, we want to know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. There isn't much that's too much information. We want to know what you're doing at 10 am, so we can be like, "Oh, he's getting his 2nd cup of coffee." We want to know what your favorite song is, so we can listen to it and think about you. We want to know as much you'll give us, so that we have some kind of inkling as to how you'll operate when you're not telling us what's really going on.
This is tricky. While chicks generally do want to know that you're into us- we like to hear that you think we're awesome, we like when you say cute stuff, like, "That's a pretty sweet dress," because then we know you're noticing us, and we love when your answer is, "I would love to," when we tell you to kiss us. It makes us feel wanted, desired, and important to you.
There's a pretty blurry line about too much information, though. I once dated a guy who texted me multiple times a day, ever day, that he couldn't believe that a pretty, awesome, intelligent girl like me was down with a guy like him. Guess what? After a few weeks of those messages, this pretty, awesome, intelligent girl couldn't believe she was down with a guy like him, either!
But we need something. I think what a lot of dudes fail to realize is that your actions speak VOLUMES. We all know the saying that "actions speak louder than words," it's been ingrained in us forever. Do you know why? Because it's TRUE. Yep. If a chick digs a dude, and he likes her back, then he's attentive, and talkative, and makes an effort to put a smile on her face. Standard operating procedure, no rocket science there.
The problem is when either guy or girl is no longer down with girl or guy. This is where hearts break, tempers rise, anger flashes, tears are cried, oaths are made, and we sometimes make heated or overemotional statements in a weak moment that we wish we could take back later.
When a dude stops digging a chick, it's like, instantaneous for him. Over the course of a day or two, the once-lengthy sexually charged conversations become mediocre small-talk; confusing, upsetting, or altogether lacking responses to questions normally pounced upon with vigor and a grin. The switch flicks in his brain that says, "Nope, next!" and now the fun really starts.
See, chicks don't usually turn it off so quickly, unless we weren't that interested in the first place. And if we were, we're left wondering: Is he just busy? Is he mad at me? Is he seeing someone else? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Maybe he's just busy. He told me last week that he thought I was cute, so he must still be into me. But he's not answering my messages. Why won't he talk to me?
This thought process is absolutely maddening. It creates unnecessary anxiety! Because in our heads, you're already over us- whether you really are or not. We're trying to protect ourselves from feeling hurt, so we're acting like jerks to you. We've talked to all our girlfriends about you and they've all said you're a jerk. We've convinced ourselves that you would be making an effort if you were still interested, because that's logical, and dudes are pretty logical. But we haven't heard anything from you to say that you're not interested, and you are still responding to texts that we've sent to you- you just won't text us first, and you're busy most of the time when we want to see you.
Look, I know it seems obvious, but it's difficult when you're involved in the situation, right? Especially if the relationship isn't between two long-time friends, but instead involves two people who're pretty new to each other. We don't know your habits, you don't know our emotional reactions.
Actual communication isn't everything. Yeah, it's nice to know that you like astronomy, that you love your cat, that you dig black coffee- but we're also watching your body language, and the things you're saying when you're not saying anything at all. Creepy, right? Well, get over it, because that's what girls do. We analyze, discuss, and consider everything you say- especially if you're not very expressive. Look- if you don't help us out, we either have to beat it out of you, which you don't like (am I right?), or try to make our own assumptions- which is almost never a good idea for you to let us do, but hey, we're resourceful!
I guess what I really want to communicate to you dudes is, if things are cool, and you're just busy, tell us that. If things aren't cool, at least say so. It will make us think better of you, and have a little more respect for you- and save face for us, by preventing us from saying something out of anger. Just sayin'...
"'Maybe'? That's his answer to, 'are you around later?' 'Maybe'?!"
"What do you mean, 'whatever you want'? I want to know whether you want me to stay!"
Dudes, first, I know I don't have to tell you that COMMUNICATION is like, huge to chicks.
When we're interested in you, we want to know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. There isn't much that's too much information. We want to know what you're doing at 10 am, so we can be like, "Oh, he's getting his 2nd cup of coffee." We want to know what your favorite song is, so we can listen to it and think about you. We want to know as much you'll give us, so that we have some kind of inkling as to how you'll operate when you're not telling us what's really going on.
This is tricky. While chicks generally do want to know that you're into us- we like to hear that you think we're awesome, we like when you say cute stuff, like, "That's a pretty sweet dress," because then we know you're noticing us, and we love when your answer is, "I would love to," when we tell you to kiss us. It makes us feel wanted, desired, and important to you.
There's a pretty blurry line about too much information, though. I once dated a guy who texted me multiple times a day, ever day, that he couldn't believe that a pretty, awesome, intelligent girl like me was down with a guy like him. Guess what? After a few weeks of those messages, this pretty, awesome, intelligent girl couldn't believe she was down with a guy like him, either!
But we need something. I think what a lot of dudes fail to realize is that your actions speak VOLUMES. We all know the saying that "actions speak louder than words," it's been ingrained in us forever. Do you know why? Because it's TRUE. Yep. If a chick digs a dude, and he likes her back, then he's attentive, and talkative, and makes an effort to put a smile on her face. Standard operating procedure, no rocket science there.
The problem is when either guy or girl is no longer down with girl or guy. This is where hearts break, tempers rise, anger flashes, tears are cried, oaths are made, and we sometimes make heated or overemotional statements in a weak moment that we wish we could take back later.
When a dude stops digging a chick, it's like, instantaneous for him. Over the course of a day or two, the once-lengthy sexually charged conversations become mediocre small-talk; confusing, upsetting, or altogether lacking responses to questions normally pounced upon with vigor and a grin. The switch flicks in his brain that says, "Nope, next!" and now the fun really starts.
See, chicks don't usually turn it off so quickly, unless we weren't that interested in the first place. And if we were, we're left wondering: Is he just busy? Is he mad at me? Is he seeing someone else? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Maybe he's just busy. He told me last week that he thought I was cute, so he must still be into me. But he's not answering my messages. Why won't he talk to me?
This thought process is absolutely maddening. It creates unnecessary anxiety! Because in our heads, you're already over us- whether you really are or not. We're trying to protect ourselves from feeling hurt, so we're acting like jerks to you. We've talked to all our girlfriends about you and they've all said you're a jerk. We've convinced ourselves that you would be making an effort if you were still interested, because that's logical, and dudes are pretty logical. But we haven't heard anything from you to say that you're not interested, and you are still responding to texts that we've sent to you- you just won't text us first, and you're busy most of the time when we want to see you.
Look, I know it seems obvious, but it's difficult when you're involved in the situation, right? Especially if the relationship isn't between two long-time friends, but instead involves two people who're pretty new to each other. We don't know your habits, you don't know our emotional reactions.
Actual communication isn't everything. Yeah, it's nice to know that you like astronomy, that you love your cat, that you dig black coffee- but we're also watching your body language, and the things you're saying when you're not saying anything at all. Creepy, right? Well, get over it, because that's what girls do. We analyze, discuss, and consider everything you say- especially if you're not very expressive. Look- if you don't help us out, we either have to beat it out of you, which you don't like (am I right?), or try to make our own assumptions- which is almost never a good idea for you to let us do, but hey, we're resourceful!
I guess what I really want to communicate to you dudes is, if things are cool, and you're just busy, tell us that. If things aren't cool, at least say so. It will make us think better of you, and have a little more respect for you- and save face for us, by preventing us from saying something out of anger. Just sayin'...
Friday, July 6, 2012
I've been hearing this phrase a lot lately: "But who know's what they're thinking. They don't think like we do, that's for sure!"
Nope... no, they don't, honey, and you're lyin' if you say your man does.
Sometimes we wonder if we're being silly, if we're acting crazy, if our concerns are justified even just in the slightest. We analyze, mull, woolgather, and ponder.
The fact of the matter is this: NONE OF US ARE MIND READERS. NONE. Phenomena like Edward Cullen and Christian Grey's mindreading prowess does not exist! Those books are fine to get away once in a while, but you're foolin' yourself if you think you'll find that dude someday.
So. With that in mind, I'd like to share a little of what I've learned about dudes, diggin each other, dating, and doin' it. Everyone's always telling me I should write a book, because I've seen some crazy shit in relationships...
Nope... no, they don't, honey, and you're lyin' if you say your man does.
Sometimes we wonder if we're being silly, if we're acting crazy, if our concerns are justified even just in the slightest. We analyze, mull, woolgather, and ponder.
The fact of the matter is this: NONE OF US ARE MIND READERS. NONE. Phenomena like Edward Cullen and Christian Grey's mindreading prowess does not exist! Those books are fine to get away once in a while, but you're foolin' yourself if you think you'll find that dude someday.
So. With that in mind, I'd like to share a little of what I've learned about dudes, diggin each other, dating, and doin' it. Everyone's always telling me I should write a book, because I've seen some crazy shit in relationships...
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